Stuff We Didn't Get To!

[gus danger]

The Day the Dopes Came Over (by Steve Martin)

I was sitting at home, peeking through the blinds at my neighbor's wife, minding my own business, when my doorbell rang. "Who's there?" I shouted. "We don't know," came the reply. I immediately knew the dopes had come over.
I opened the door and invited them in. I was happy to have company even if they were a bunch of dopes.

"Well, what brings you over this way?" I queried.

"Yup."

"Yup."

"Yup."

"Yup." they said.

"Would you like some coffee?" I asked.

"Gol," said one dope, "how long have we been here?"

"About two minutes."

"Gol, we should have left hours ago!" And they packed up some of my things and lumbered out.

"Goodbye Dopes!" I shouted.

They turned to me and shouted back, "Goodbye, you big f****** idiot!"


Hi Folks! [img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img] [img]biggrin.gif[/img]
Heard any good ones lately? Jokes, funny stories, anecdotal tales? Stuff you just hadn't gotten around to sharing but kinda sorta wanted to!
I've always loved this Steve Martin short story from his first book 'Cruel Shoes' and I always wanted to share it with the fun-loving peeps on this here Cherie Currie message board and now, FINALLY, I've done so!
Excuuuuse Meeee! <font size="1">*impersonates the wild and crazy guy*</font>
[img]graemlins/party.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]
Gus

<font color="#007FFF" size="1">[ August 06, 2004 12:47 AM: Message edited by: gus danger ]</font>

[gus danger]

Statistically speaking, children with the larger feet have much better math skills than children with smaller feet.
[img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]
What this doesn't reveal is the fact that the children with the larger feet are also older than the children with the smaller feet and at a higher learning level.
[img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]
My favorite example of spinning statistics.
Somehow FOX "NEWS" always comes to mind at this point in my analysis.
Go figure!
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]
GD

[gus danger]

It should be safe to return tomorrow, if'n ya wanna!
[img]graemlins/martini.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]
Gus

[CCfan]

I am so bad at remembering jokes...if I think of one, I will let you know.
I love yours though...keep um coming!

[gus danger]

Who is this interloper? [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Gus, where do you keep finding those gif's? That is a great one there, Are you the artist creating them? [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img]

Rog

[gus danger]

It's the collector in me Ella! Whenever I see something I like I save it for a rainy day. I figure with a topic called "stuff we didn't get to" I can unload a couple of them on you guys!!!
Not that I equate you with a rainy day, mind you!
[img]graemlins/rain.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/umbrella.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rain.gif[/img]
Gus

[ERIC M HANSEN]

My buddy ask me?.. How did I get into the tampon-500 Race? ..I told him! ..I had to pull a couple of strings!....

I never play with myself? But one day I was cleaning it! And in went off.....

My sister now ! Shes a big old Woman ! And she got a belly ring? I ask her if its a tow hitch...ha ha ha

Jokes by."Larry the Cable guy...."Get-R-Done"...........Have a good weekend Eric
[img]graemlins/beer.gif[/img]

<font color="#007FFF" size="1">[ August 13, 2004 07:37 PM: Message edited by: STINGRAY 427 ]</font>

[gus danger]

There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two.
The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain.
The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so he could try to figure them out. Finally, the scientist was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the scientist, who irritably asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "Alright, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
[img]biggrin.gif[/img]

[CCfan]

LOL!!!!!